No pity, no emparrassment

Über den Autor

Hallo Blogger-Gemeinde, zunächst stelle ich mich kurz vor: Wie aus dem Nutzername erkenntlich ist, heiße ich Geeta, bin 40 Jahre und habe bei Caritas bzw. Diakonie in Indien gearbeitet. Zunächst als Praktikantin, bei Caritas und ab dem 01.07.2008 dann als Angestellte bei der Diakonie, beides in Madhya Pradesh. Meine Position war die, der stellvertretenden Projektleitung, gemeinsam mit einem Kollegen. Jeweils zu 50 %. Mit dieser Position wurde der längere Arbeitsvertrag und die höhere Lohngruppe begründet, denn es war eine Entgeltvariante. Warum dieses Hintergrundwissen wichtig ist? Weil es das Verlogene der Verantwortlichen besser verstehen lässt.

In the old days the etiquette was clear. Losing money was a disgrace. This man would have been off your committee in a trice and if your paths had ever crossed again you would have cold-shouldered him. When Anthony Trollope’s villain Augustus Melmotte loses his fortune he is so traumatised by the shame that is bound to follow that taking his own life seems an easier way out.

By contrast, losing one’s money today is perfectly socially acceptable. It is quite possible to be on the front page of the newspapers for mislaying billions of pounds and then a few years later to be hailed as a financial wizard once again. Look at John Meriwether: one minute he was presiding over the collapse of LTCM, the next he has re-established himself as a hedge fund god.

… Should I send him a card? If so, what do I write on it? I can’t really say: “So very sorry that you’ve lost several billion dollars.” Or can I? Or do I say nothing? He is a very direct person, and I respect him but am also quite frightened of him.

This means that you need feel no embarrassment or dismay about the financial predicament for him. If you want to be nice to him you should show no discomfort and indeed pretend that it is fairly normal to lose so much. Don’t dream of showing sympathy: alpha males tend not to want the pity of women who run charities. Don’t think of sending a card. This isn’t a bereavement. Hallmark hasn’t yet made “heartfelt condolences on your financial ruin” cards – for a reason. Financial collapse isn’t really a greetings-card occasion.

If I were you I would briefly acknowledge it when he turns up. Say something like: “Thanks for coming today. I gather you have one or two other little things going on at the moment.” And hope he has the good grace to laugh.